I Wondered How She Was Doing Now

I Wondered How She Was Doing Now

When you lose a child

A few days ago I found myself thinking about somebody who I used to know. She and I met at a Parents and Toddlers group sixteen years ago, but our paths hadn’t crossed in recent years. Her youngest daughter is around the same age as Leah.

Two years previous to us meeting up at Parents and Toddlers, her only son, a toddler, had drowned in a tragic accident. I was heartbroken for her. I could not imagine the enormity of her loss. However I always appreciated her openness and her honesty as she recounted to me the awful details of that day and the days that followed it, while our little ones played happily together and sang nursery rhymes.

She told me of how traumatised her older daughter was, from the events of that terrible day. She talked about the many ways in which grief was affecting her children and her marriage. She spoke about her efforts to source grief support for her children and how frustrated she felt at times about the suitability of what was available. Those were very difficult days for all of them.

This past week I unexpectedly found myself recalling these conversations and wondering what life was like for her and her daughters now. I wished that I could ask her how many years the sense of ‘brokenness’ had persisted.

Today when I was in Tesco paying for my groceries I noticed that she was beside me! We walked out of the shop together and chatted for several minutes. I asked her how her two girls were doing. It sounds like they are both doing really well. I’m so happy for her and for them. I asked her how she had coped with her older girl leaving home and the fact that her younger girl will soon be leaving home also; I got a very positive upbeat response – she’s really happy to see them both doing so well.

I wanted to ask her how many years it had taken her to actually start feeling okay again, but I wasn’t entirely sure that she knew about Leah’s death and I knew that I would just start crying. I really didn’t think it was fair to dump my emotions on her – she’s had more than her fair share of dark days. To be honest, maybe it was enough for me to know that they have all survived emotionally and that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

His Grace.PNG

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7 thoughts on “I Wondered How She Was Doing Now

  1. I’m stunned by the magnitude of loss of losing a child. Sometimes, my chest gets heavy when I even think about it. I try to hold my daughter loosely knowing we only get borrow them from heaven, but my earthly heart wants to cling to her like super glue. I hope you are finding your way back to okay even though the grief and loss is always a part of you. I wish I had a magical formula of things to say, but I can pray and say I don’t understand, but I’m listening.

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    1. Thank you for listening Jennifer. Some days are definitely easier than others. It’s the ongoing ripple effect of grief and loss within our family that’s one of the hardest things to bear some days.

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  2. Always in my thots & prayers Vicky I think we will always have waves of grief for our children but God meets us in our pain he will not abandon us his blessings are new everyday.

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    1. Thanks Valerie, as another grieving Mummy recently said in her blog ‘when life is difficult, we grieve harder’ and that is true for me right now. I appreciate your friendship, as always. xx

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  3. It’s always interesting how God puts people on our hearts that we haven;t thought about in a while and then, BAM, there they are. There is no coincidences like this. Thank you God for what you have in store.

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    1. Indeed Caroline, and the more I have reflected upon my encounter with this mum the more it has encouraged me. I’m glad too that I let the conversation go the way it did rather than pursuing my own ‘agenda’. 🙂

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  4. I just cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child, I struggled so much when two of my children went travelling for a couple of years. Every time I hear of a life lost by accident, sickness or deliberate choice I think of the devastation left behind for so many for so long. It is really encouraging to hear that this mother and her daughters have found their way back to some kind of ‘normal life’ again.

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