Sometimes there is no other way

Sometimes there is no other way

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Sometimes I don’t blog because I’m generally busy getting on with life and I either don’t have much to say or I don’t have the time to say it! Other times I don’t blog because I’m feeling very sad and I’m tired of writing sad posts. Then I think; what the heck – this is my blog and I’ll cry if I want to – people can choose not to read it if they don’t like it.

This past summer was mostly good. The day of the A and AS level exam results in August was both happy and sad. Our son did fantastically well but I was also acutely aware that Leah wasn’t here to get any exam results. I went to the school with our son to get his AS results and I congratulated Leah’s friends on their excellent A level results. I was very grateful to the one parent at the school who acknowledged my grief and loss with a hug, in the midst of receiving her son’s amazing A level results.

While our son posed for a photo for the local papers with others who had received excellent results, I sat in the car in a quiet corner of the school car park sobbing. By the time he texted looking for me to come and collect him, I had regained my composure. Results day needed to be about his success, not about my sadness.

This past week Prize Day took place in both the school that Leah attended and the school that Simon now attends. We attended Simon’s prize giving event as proud parents. However I hadn’t really thought about the possibility that some of Leah’s peers would also be there receiving their prizes before departing for university. One of these was the very girl who started Nursery School alongside Leah many years ago – they walked through the door of the Nursery class together that first morning. So much has changed since then. This triggered more difficult emotions for me, which I sought to contain.

We didn’t have occasion to attend Prize Giving at the High School this year, but a kind friend gave me her copy of the programme. In the Prize Day programmes for both schools there is a section that lists which universities this year’s A level students have moved on to. I scrutinised this section in both programmes, but naturally Leah’s name isn’t mentioned. This time three years ago while in hospital in Bristol, Leah talked to me of her future career plans, but that clearly was not meant to be. Leah’s name is mentioned in another part of the programme though, where she continues to make us proud. I was so pleased to read the names of this years’ recipients of the award created in her memory:

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I try hard to live in the present, to count my blessings, to be grateful for what I have, to focus my thoughts on the good things in my life and the people that I love, but despite it all, grief and loss at times becomes overwhelming. Sometimes no matter how hard I pray and look to God for the strength to go on, no matter how much I read my Bible or how many Bible teaching podcasts I listen to, the sadness just doesn’t go away and those tears have to be shed – there is no other way.

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11 thoughts on “Sometimes there is no other way

  1. Hi Vicky Of course you are entitled to your sadness!! Wonderful blog which brought tears to my eyes! Can only imagine the pain of loosing a child! None of us know what is around the corner. Lovely though to see the joy as well! 💕

    Sent from my iPhone

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    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, it is, indeed. And I am glad you wrote this so very honestly, sometimes we hide behind empty words and sayings but God receives our pain as worship too, one of the purest forms, in my opinion.xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Vicky,
    Every time you choose to share and share honestly, you are opening the door a little wider for another heartbroken mama.

    I am convinced that sadness is an appropriate and proportionate response to the awfulness of death. When offering the gospel, we are essentially telling people, “Death is awful. Separation is awful. But Jesus has conquered death and become the Way to the Father’s side”. We do no one a favor by minimizing death.

    So you go on and be honest and bold and tell the whole story. It has beautiful parts and dark parts. Light and shade are how life is painted. Love and hugs, sweet friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I so get it, friend. I absolutely love the name of the award!! So fitting. I’ve also “pinned” the Barbara Johnson quote/pic on the Grieving With Hope Facebook page. Such truth! Much love and ((hugs)).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know your experience of loss and sorrow, as you know, in a very personal way. You have echoed my emotions about sobbing by myself while quickly recovering so that I don’t shatter someone’s happiness. I write when I can but I also know the deep pain that it evokes for me and for readers. But like you I am a Christian and want others to know the truth about God’s presence always in our lives and also in our children who have already met our Heavenly Father face to face. We have the peace that passes all understanding in Christ Jesus.

    I send my congratulations to your son. He has so much to be thankful for such as his wonderful family and awesome mother who cares and loves her children deeply. God bless you and wrap you this moment in Leah hugs ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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