The Bells of Christmas

Christmas Eve – this time two years ago the rest of the family moved in to our new house. All six of us slept together under the one roof for the first time in six months. I went to bed feeling so happy, so content, so ‘full’.

Within four days the bells of Christmas had been replaced by the ‘bells’ of the monitors to which Leah was attached in the Intensive Care Unit where she had been admitted as a result of respiratory failure.

Every time Leah’s blood oxygen levels dipped, the monitors chimed and my heartbreak intensified. For the first five nights I slept in a chair beside Leah. During one of these nights there was a medical crisis and the monitors alarmed almost continuously. In the morning the staff looked at me in amazement and asked me how I had slept through the whole commotion. I shrugged my shoulders and gave a vague answer. In actual fact, I had been well aware of what was happening but I had kept my eyes closed and had held my daughter’s hand (whenever I wasn’t in the way) while praying silently. I was worried that if the staff knew that I was awake that they would put me out of the room and then I wouldn’t be there to comfort Leah.

Many days as I sat quietly holding Leah’s hand, with her favourite music playing softly in the background, the chimes of the monitors would intrude unpleasantly on our thoughts – reminding us of what we didn’t want to be reminded about – that Leah’s life hung in the balance.

Finally on the 16th January 2014, when Leah had been transferred to the Children’s Hospice for her end of life care, a monitor started to sound an alarm as the life seeped slowly from Leah’s body – swiftly and silently the doctor pressed the mute button on all of the alarms. We didn’t need them now, as sadly for us, the time had come to let Leah go peacefully into the waiting arms of her loving Heavenly Father.

Now I live and ‘celebrate’ Christmas in a dichotomy – one part of me is overwhelmed with the sadness of Leah not being here, yet the other part of me celebrates the birth of the Christ Child and the many blessings with which God has enriched my life.

Each one of our four children is a blessing in my life. My friends and my family who surround me with love and comfort are a blessing. Having a job that I love and work colleagues whose company I enjoy is a great blessing. I have a beautiful house which is a blessing.

Let the words of Chris De Burgh be my Christmas greetings to you, my faithful readers:

The Bells Of Christmas

If you know someone who is lonely this Christmas,
Reach out a hand and open the door,
Bring them inside in the spirit of Christmas
And show what lies in store;

If you know someone who’s forgotten that Christmas,
Will always shine in the eyes of a child,
Open their hearts to the memories of Christmas
And take them back in time;

So have a very Merry Christmas everyone,
Celebrate the coming of the newborn son,
Everywhere this happy day we have begun,
To ring the bells of Christmas;

Let the light that shines with the wonders of Christmas,
Fill every heart all over the world,
Let us believe in the spirit of Christmas
And dream of peace on earth;

So have a very Merry Christmas everyone,
Celebrate the coming of the newborn son,
Everywhere this happy day we have begun,
To ring the bells of Christmas;

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone,
(Ring the bells)
Celebrate the coming of the newborn son,
(Merry Christmas)
Everywhere this happy day we have begun,
(Ring the bells)
To ring the bells of Christmas,
(Merry Christmas)
Ring the bells, ring the bells!

 

A Longing Fulfilled

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Proverbs 13:12 NIV

Leah

Seventeen years ago on the 31st December 1997 at approximately 8.30am Leah Alanna Whyte was born in Altnagelvin Hospital, weighing 9lbs 3oz. Her sister Rachel, was three and a half years old.

We hadn’t chosen for the gap to be this big. Leah was conceived while we were having investigations for secondary infertility.

Leah was what the Bible calls “a longing fulfilled“.

If she had been a boy she would have been named Samuel, after the Old Testament story of Hannah, who had longed and prayed for a baby.

Leah

I have always adored babies. As a child growing up I imagined that I would be married by the age of twenty five and then I would have six children. When they had grown up, I imagined that I would become a foster parent, to ensure that my house was always filled with children.

Hmmmm………..somewhere along the way, reality set in.

For starters, by the time I was twenty five, I was conspicuously single. I had just come out of a three and a half year relationship with the man I had thought I was going to marry. My dreams lay in tatters on the floor.

It is good to have plans.

It is good to dream dreams.

However the Bible says

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 NIV

Many years on, I hope that I’m learning to be more like Mary, the Mother of Jesus, when she said:

“Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38 NKJV

Having one child did not lessen my desire for another baby. If anything it intensified it – now I really knew how wonderful it was to be a parent.

I was so excited about being the mother of two children. When we used to pack the car for our regular trips to stay with my mother in Co. Meath, she used to tell me on the phone “I can’t wait to see your girls.”

Rachel and Leah, June 1998

I used to savour that word “girls” – how I loved the fact that it was plural. I used to gaze in wonder at the two child seats in the back of our car and I felt as if my heart was going to burst with joy.

Six months later I was happily pregnant with baby number three – Simon.

A few years later along came a very pleasant surprise – Miriam.

Miriam

When Chris De Burgh’s daughter Rosanna was born he wrote this beautiful song about her.

It sums up how I felt this day seventeen years ago and indeed how I feel about each one of my “babies”.

“For Rosanna”

This is for Rosanna, sweet girl of mine,
A song for the baby who changed my life,
I’ll never forget when I saw you first,
I thought that my heart would burst,
With the love that I have;

As I watch you sleeping in here tonight,
And I hear your breathing so soft and light,
I cannot believe all the things that I feel,
When I hold you next to me,
It’s the love that I have;

Oh how my heart it is shining,
Oh how my heart it is shining,
Oh how this heart is shining through,
With the love that I have;

And as you are growing from baby to child,
I share the wonders that are in your eyes,
And I am amazed at the way you change,
All according to the plan,
And the love that I have;

And when you are older you will go away,
You’ll see injustice and you’ll see pain,
But never forget that I’m always there,
Like a shadow by your side,
With the love that I have;

Oh my love, you have your mother’s eyes,
And when I see you laugh, you have your mother’s smile,
And you are mine all of my life,
You are mine, all of my love,
You are mine, blood of my blood,
You are mine;

Oh how my heart it is shining,
Oh how my heart it is shining,
Oh how my heart it is shining through,
With the love that I have.