This girl had such a beautiful heart – the reference to her and I needing emotional healing is because we were both heartbroken over all the ill children and young people we had met in Bristol but especially over the ones who had died. We found “survivors guilt” quite challenging.
She prays for physical healing for herself elsewhere.
This is an excerpt from Leah’s prayer diary, written on the 15th December 2013. Every child or young person that she had met or known about in Bristol is prayed for by name in her prayer diary. She thanked God for the privilege of having met these people. The families of the three children/young people who were in the transplant unit around the same time as Leah and who subsequently died are also prayed for.
Each day in Bristol Leah and I used to read and pray together and she liked me to pray for each patient by name. Sometimes I would forget and leave someone out. At the end of our prayer time Leah would then look at me reproachfully and say “You forgot……” So I would then have to say another wee prayer!
Those were precious times and are precious memories!
Thank you to everyone who prayed for Horace & I and sent us encouraging messages for our first return visit on Tuesday past to Belfast City Hospital.
We arrived just after 8am & left again around 1.30pm. We were well supported by our TYA (teenage & young adult) cancer nurse specialist & by Horace’s sister Evelyn.
We initially spent quite a while with our Bristol haematologist & our Belfast haematologist. Then Horace & Evelyn went off for a walk in the sunshine while I went “walkabout” in the hospital with our TYA nurse.
She and I visited the Bridgewater Outpatients Suite & ICU & some other places. I was able to show my appreciation to some of the many staff who had been very kind to us.
When I was thanking the nurses in ICU one of them remarked “We must have done something right, for she was always smiling!” It was true – as Leah lay in ICU on a ventilator, she smiled and laughed and hugged people she cared about and told us that she loved us. If she caught me looking sad she pulled up the corners of my mouth into a smile with her fingers. She radiated joy and peace. She knew that death was a possibility and she was ready to meet God.
I had some very positive conversations on Tuesday with various members of staff who were involved in caring for Leah. Although difficult and painful for me, it was also very healing.
An extra bonus before leaving the hospital was a meeting for coffee with a mum from Ballymena whose child had a bone marrow transplant in Bristol around the same time as Leah. Her child is slowly recovering. My friend and I had a great chat, we had so much catching up to do.
Horace & I then met with our eldest daughter Rachel for lunch in the nearby “Mad Hatter” cafe that we used to go to when Leah was with us. Some of the staff recognised us and sympathised with us on our loss.
I really felt upheld in prayer throughout it all and I felt a deep sense of peace in my heart – thank you all so much.
The main purpose of the meeting with Leah’s Bristol haematologist & her Belfast haematologist was to discuss the findings of the mini post mortem that had been done on Leah’s lungs.
After Leah died a biopsy was done on Leah’s lungs and a tissue sample taken. I wasn’t overly hopeful that there would be any major revelations from this. I was just hoping that there would be no “nasty surprises” i.e. I was hoping that the pm would NOT tell us that Leah had in fact died from an illness that could have been prevented or treated, if it had been diagnosed in time.
From that point of view it was “good news” – they tested the tissue sample from her lungs for everything they could think of testing for and EVERYTHING came back negative, so Leah’s cause of death remains “idiopathic pneumonia syndrome”.
Wikipedia describes this as follows – “Idiopathic pneumonia syndrome is a set of pneumonia-like symptoms (such as fever, chills, coughing, and breathing problems) that occur with no sign of infection in the lung. Idiopathic pneumonia syndrome is a serious condition that can occur after a stem cell transplant.”
The doctors on Tuesday gave us all the time we needed – we discussed lots of different aspects of Leah’s illness and we talked about our memories of Leah herself too.
“I only have eyes for you”
Leah had a GATA2 gene mutation – this type of genetic defect is rare and was only first discovered late in 2011. Leah was the first person in the UK to be identified with her particular variant of it. Leah’s bone marrow transplant cured her myelodysplasia and monosomy 7 but could not eradicate the underlying genetic defect and Leah understood this.
After her transplant Leah asked Dr C what other ways this genetic mutation could affect her body but he explained that as research into GATA2 genetic defects was all so new that this information did not exist as yet but as it became available from other parts of the world then he would pass it on to us.
I have now asked Dr C that as future discoveries enable them to retrospectively make sense of the jigsaw pieces of Leah’s various symptoms and complications that he will come back to me and tell me, as my brain likes to make sense of these things. In particular, the spontaneous spinal fracture that Leah experienced after only 3 months on steroids is not fully explained. Her steroid therapy had actually been discontinued the month before her spinal fracture was even diagnosed.
Nevertheless Leah has now received the ultimate healing and is rejoicing forevermore with her Saviour in heaven. I like to listen to these words by Matt Redman and imagine what it’s like for Leah to no longer have a broken body –
“Endless Hallelujah”
“When I stand before Your throne
Dressed in glory not my own
What a joy I’ll sing of on that day
No more tears or broken dreams
Forgotten is the minor key
Everything as it was meant to be
And we will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence we will sing
We will worship, worship You
An endless hallelujah to the King”
Psalm 116:15-17 Living Bible (TLB)
“His loved ones are very precious to Him, and he does not lightly let them die.”
On Thursday 22nd May ’14 some special people have arranged to take me to see/hear Matt Redman playing live in Belfast – I’m so excited but I know it could be emotional too.
My Journey: 