Grief Creeps Up When You’re Least Expecting It

Grief Creeps Up When You’re Least Expecting It


Leah, the windscreen of the bus is all misted over, how can the driver see out?” there was panic in my voice. Leah looked at me and burst out laughing.

Mummy, this is a double decker bus and we are upstairs” she barely managed to get the words out through her giggles.

I was laughing now too.

It was the Summer of 2013 and we were on our way back from one of Leah’s many hospital appointments in Belfast, a 140 mile round trip. I hadn’t yet conquered my fear of driving in Belfast, so we travelled to most of our appointments by bus, although sometimes we were transported by kind friends.

We enjoyed those bus journeys together, they’re precious memories now.

Today I’m travelling to Belfast for a one day training course.

Just like I used to do with Leah, I left my car in the ‘Park and Ride‘ in Drumahoe, crossed the road and stood waiting on the bus.

It’s a wet morning and when the double decker bus arrived, I inadvertently looked up and caught sight of the upstairs front window, all steamed up.

Once again, I could hear Leah laughing at my confusion. Suddenly, my grief was as fresh as if she had died only yesterday.

That’s what grief does – it creeps up on you when you’re least expecting it.

One minute you’re just fine, the next minute something totally unforeseen has knocked the scab off the wound of grief and you’re left raw and bleeding.

Fortunately there isn’t many people on the bus, probably because it’s Good Friday, so I found myself a quiet spot at the back where I could grieve quietly, away from enquiring eyes.

Thankfully I always carry earphones with me, so that I can connect myself to the music that applies a balm to my soul.

This week I’ve been listening to “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music, it’s another song that I learned at the Passion 2015 Conference at Green Pastures Church a few weeks ago.

No Longer Slaves

You unravel me, with a melody
You surround me with a song
Of deliverance, from my enemies
Till all my fears are gone
I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

From my mothers womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again, into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

You split the sea
So I could walk right through it
All my fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me
So I could stand and sing
I am a child of God