Scripture meditation – My Journey:

Usually my grief triggers are something that I can clearly pinpoint, but not this evening. I unexpectedly felt an overwhelming sense of yearning for Leah and a deep longing for her presence with us.

I never saw the wave coming. We had been having quite an enjoyable Sunday. Then suddenly, out of nowhere it would seem, a tidal wave of grief crashed over me and left me gasping for air, wondering how I would ever make it back to the shores of emotional balance once more.

I try so hard to keep on top of things mentally. For most of my adult life I have practised some form of scripture meditation, where I choose an encouraging Bible verse to focus my thoughts on each day.

In Philippians 4:8 we are told “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

We are also told in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

All of my life I was a brilliant sleeper, until Leah died. Now I fall asleep easily, but I often wake up again three or four hours later. I lie awake for maybe an hour, before falling asleep again. I usually leave the bedroom so as not to disturb Horace and I listen to music or Bible teaching, so as to keep my thoughts from running wild. Then I fall asleep on the couch or in a spare bed.

I try really hard to take my negative thoughts “captive” and focus on the many blessings in my life, but sometimes this grief and loss and yearning for the one who is missing from our family, completely overwhelms me. Once again I wonder how it’s possible to go on living with a broken heart.

The promises in God’s word always bring me encouragement though, especially 2 Corinthians 1:4. I really hope and pray that what I learn on this journey, can be used to bring hope and encouragement to others.

One of of the ways in which I receive God’s comfort is through music. Since yesterday I have been listening to a new song by Matt Redman who is my favourite worship leader/singer/song writer. This man is so gifted, his songs just melt my heart. Leah and I both loved his music.

“Abide With Me”

I have a home
Eternal home
But for now I walk this broken world

You walked it first
You know our pain
But You show hope can rise again up from the grave

Abide with me
Abide with me
Don’t let me fall
And don’t let go

Walk with me
And never leave
Ever close God abide with me

There in the night
Gethsemane
Before the cross
Before the nails

I’m overwhelmed
Alone, You prayed
You met us in our suffering and bore our shame

Abide with me
Abide with me
Don’t let me fall
And don’t let go

Walk with me
And never leave
Ever close God abide with me

O, love that will not ever let me go
Love that will not ever let me go

You never let me go
Love that will not ever let me go

And up ahead
Eternity
We’ll weep no more and sing for joy abide with me
We’ll weep no more and sing for joy abide with me