We have to see the bigger picture

We have to see the bigger picture

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On the 4th March 1969 Horace’s older brother David had his 15th birthday and became seriously unwell. This resulted in him having an appendicectomy and being diagnosed with a “progressive malignant tumour“. David was subsequently admitted to St Luke’s Hospital in Dublin and prayer was going up for his healing all over the world. Someone said “heaven is stormed with prayer”. Horace’s mother Charlotte stayed up in Dublin to be with David.

On the 17th July 1969 Horace’s mum read to David from Psalm 65, they prayed together and then he kissed her goodnight. At 5am the next morning David went to be with Jesus.

Charlotte said that “although grief-stricken, a great peace passed over me, the Peace that passeth all understanding – God had taken him home and now he was free from all his pain.”

Two years later Charlotte developed breast cancer. She went to be with Jesus on the 16th December 1982. Thankfully Charlotte wrote about some of these experiences in a little booklet that she called “Stepping Stones“. I have read and reread this booklet many times over the years. Leah also found it comforting to read. During Leah’s illness I took to carrying a copy in my handbag.

On Saturday 11th January ’14, for the first time since Leah’s admission to ICU the doctor told me that Leah’s chest X-ray showed a slight improvement. They had been telling me all along that Leah was unlikely to recover, but there were thousands of people all over the world praying for healing for Leah and I was hopeful. When I heard this positive news about Leah’s chest X-ray I was so sure that this was the miracle starting to happen and I was so happy – our little girl was getting better – she was going to live.

The next day when I went in to see Leah her condition had worsened and my heart sank. That evening I sat by Leah’s bedside, held her hand and reread Charlotte’s wee book. I read how heaven was stormed with prayer for healing for Horace’s brother David, but yet God chose to take him. I read these words written by Horace’s mother “This has cost me a lot to write but I believe it is what my Father wants me to do, hoping that it will help someone. By the way those four and a half months taught me many things. David and I grew very dear to each other. God is not only our Father, He is also a wonderful teacher and trusting in Him all must be well.”

There as I held Leah’s hand and listened to the swish of the ventilator pushing air into her lungs I silently prayed and asked God an almost rhetorical question “Lord, you aren’t going to heal Leah are you?

The next day the deterioration in Leah’s medical condition continued. At midday Leah had to be anaesthetised to conserve her oxygen levels. My sister in law Hannah unexpectedly paid me a visit. As we sat talking outside ICU Hannah looked me in the eye and said “What’s your gut feeling about Leah?” In that moment I had to face the truth. I whispered the words “I think Leah’s going to die.” Hannah put her arms around me and prayed with me.

This wasn’t me admitting defeat or giving up – this was a moment of acceptance. This was the moment when I moved from giving Leah the best possible quality of life, to being able to ensure that Leah had the best possible end of life care. I thank God for everyone He sent to help us along the way.

When Leah was diagnosed she said “God has a plan for my life” and “we have to see the bigger picture” – I think that “bigger picture” was bigger than even she could ever have realised.

Never Once Have We Ever Walked Alone

Never Once Have We Ever Walked Alone

Our night was punctuated by dropping oxygen levels, Drs visits, nebulisers & retching.

Leah’s going on a ventilator around 12 or 1pm today and the biggest risk to her life will be during the process of installing the ventilator equipment in her body.

Once it’s up and running everything should be ok.

When Leah was 3 years old she came home from Good News Club and said that she had asked Jesus to forgive her sins & live in her heart as Lord & Saviour.
Since then Leah has sought to love and serve God with all her heart.
In April ’13 when Leah was diagnosed she said two things “God has a plan for my life” & “Mummy, we have to see the bigger picture”.
After the Dr had called me out of the room last Saturday to give me his “your daughter might not survive talk” Leah typed on her iPad “What did the Dr say” I answered her truthfully & in simple terms. She nodded her head & shed a single tear but showed no fear then or since.
Leah knows the truth of the Bible verse “To live is Christ, to die is gain.”
Of course Leah wants to live and I want – more than words can express – for my child to live, but it’s also hard to see your child suffer so very much.
I know that 100s maybe 1000s are praying for her healing and this is what I want, but I have to trust her in the hands of the one she loves & Who died on the cross for her & for us all.
“Never once have we ever walked alone”