What’s That in Your Hand?

What’s That in Your Hand?


I’m so excited.

I recently submitted a guest post to an American Christian website called My Big Jesus.

Today they emailed me to say that my post on their site has had 700 views and they would like me to become one of their resident writers. This means having my pic and my bio on their website and submitting two articles per month.

I don’t get paid for this – it’s voluntary.

I get to retell the story of Leah and how God has carried us through, to a wider audience.

However, I’m not only excited, I’m also terrified.

I’ve looked at the bios of their other regular contributors on this site – they are mostly professional writers and pastors and pastors’ wives. They sound so important and they make their lives sound so exciting.

I feel so ordinary and unqualified.

A few weeks ago I went to Causeway Coast Vineyard in Coleraine with a friend.

Mike Pilavachi was speaking. I’d never heard of him before but he is a co-founder of Soul Survivor and apparently he’s well known.

The theme of his message was “What’s that in your hand?

He based his message on the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand in the gospel of John 6:5-13

A large crowd of people had come to hear Jesus speak. After a while, the people were hungry, but there was nothing with which to feed them.

John 6:9 (NKJV)

There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?

The boy handed over his lunch to Jesus, who gave thanks, then multiplied it and used it to feed the huge crowd.

Mike Pilavachi’s point, was that what we have to offer to God may not seem like much, but when we place it in God’s hands, He can multiply it and use it to bring blessing to others.

This weekend marks two years since we received Leah’s awful diagnosis.

I’ve felt very down this past week and I’ve cried a lot.

To answer Mike Pilavachi’s question, what have I got in my hand?

I’ve got a story to tell, a story of a fifteen year old girl who responded to her diagnosis with the words “God has a plan for my life” and “we’ve got to see the bigger picture.

A young girl who faced death without fear, because she knew that Jesus had died on the cross for her sins and that she was heading into the outstretched arms of a loving Heavenly Father.

What if telling Leah’s story to a wider audience is part of that bigger picture?

Telling people that there is no pit so deep but that God’s love is deeper still!


It did our hearts good 💕

It did our hearts good 💕


Luke 22:43 “Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened Him.”

I found a comfort today in this part of my daily reading based on Luke 22:43 – the thought that even Jesus needed an angel to strengthen Him during His days on earth is very encouraging.

The idea of praying for “the strength to make every sadness sing” also blesses me.

I was so emotional last weekend because it was the big LOST weekend and LOST was such a huge part of Leah’s life. Leah made it back to one LOST meeting after we returned from Bristol.

She was immune suppressed and I tried to persuade her not to go but LOST was so important to her. Here she is wearing her LOST hoodie. I thank God for the part that LOST played in Leah’s life.


I went to the LOST Family Service on Sunday afternoon past and then made an impulse decision to stay for the evening meeting which is really only for the young people. Kerry (Nic’s Mum) kindly stayed with me.

I was so blessed and encouraged by the uplifting worship music, by the young people taking part, by the main speaker and by Peter Thorogood’s testimony.

More than anything though I was so encouraged to see so many young people piling into the hall that extra chairs had to be carried in.

I found it strangely comforting that the theme song for the LOST weekend was a song that holds so much meaning for Leah and me – “My Lighthouse” by Rend Collective. At her funeral Leah’s coffin was carried out of the church to this song.

Rend Collective launched this song last summer 2013 at Soul Survivor & Momentum in Somerset. At the same time we were just north of Somerset in Bristol Children’s Hospital. We had an awesome friend in Bristol called Kirsty & she was down in Somerset at “Momentum“. Whenever she got back she couldn’t wait to tell Leah about Rend Collective’s new song and she played it for us on her iPhone – we loved it straight away 💕

Kerry and I were so glad that we stayed for the LOST meeting on Sunday night – it did our hearts good.